I haven't been writing.

Something as stupid as StumbleUpon has been the biggest time waster of the last week. A website generator has taught me nothing but to be more unproductive than before.

Last night, while sitting quietly on my back porch, watching the storm clouds in the east sky ignite with lightning, I realized I have reached my potential. Now that I have reached it, I just need to grasp it.

I think I am funny, I might be the only one but it would be nice to express it to others. I've thought about open mic nights or showing friends but I kind of freeze under pressure, like now for  instance.

I don't know if this blog thing is working, I tend to write in the moment and I haven't joined this technological generation by having internet wherever I go.

Maybe I will copy them down here.

Maybe I will just go back to StumbleUpon.

Shit.

Thoughts on a Saturday

I was listening to a comedian talk about how embarassed he would be dying from a car accident while texting. He would be embarassed about what was on his phone or what he was texting.

I started thinking.

So if someone dies, I would imagine friends or family members would access that person's phone to contact people for memorials or services. Would they look at anything else? Would they contimplate the possibility of seeing what they did on their phone. Its not like hacking, when people intentionally uncover information....but since they are dead does it matter anymore? Would your opinion change? What if you discover some amazing quality about the person you didn't know existed?

Just something to think about I guess..

Lots of people in the mall today, its weird sometimes, I feel like I am in a little town. Everyone says hello throughout the day, offer to assist each other even though we have different companies and higher authorities to report to.

A weird little town.

Working on....it.

Eviana slept in. Her feet curled into the sheets and the warm air hit her nose. She was awake, and slid to her side of the bed....glaring at the sunlight seeping through the dark curtains. She opens them quickly, to access her neccesecties, shorts, white t shirt, boots, hair band. Gathering herself she stubbles through the kitchen. White walls and blue and black curtains lean against the large window. The table neatly set, a cool untamed piece of wood Evan sanded down a year ago. A little vase, holding only three flowers. A small hydragea, two lilies. They looked so perfect.

Eviana: Why didn't you wake me?

Evan: You seemed to need the sleep.

Eviana: Are you kidding? I slept plenty. I see you cut the flowers?

Evan: They were perfect in the morning light, I had to. I didn't think you would mind. I thought you'd like a suprise

Eviana: You know this is my thing right? One of the reasons I get up as early as I do?

Evan: Well now it is, I mean...Of course.. of course.

(Silence)

Eviana: You seem to like it, why don't you do this once a month or something?

Evan: How would I know?

Eviana: I guess don't wake me once a month.

Evan: But if you wake up you'll be upset either way, never knowing when I would do this.

Eviana: Okay, the third week.

Evan: All week? You'll be upset

Eviana: Its fine.

Evan had been closing the dark blue and black sheets in the bedroom once a month for a year

The Beginning I suppose

Almost a year has gone by.

A year, in which I had it in my head that much more would change. Some has, I have a new perspective, a new drive, a new beckoning.

I have fufilled all the personal requirements for these changes. Got two jobs, reducing my lazidazical lifestyle, and somehow kept myself calm.

What hasn't changed, the distance and time away from what I want.

So to deal with such terms, or at least re-inspire myself, I dedicate this blog to what I am thinking....feeling.... arguing... or simply laughing about. Allow myself to break down, think about things I will miss, things I won't forget, and maybe at the end of all this I would get there. Maybe there I would see some kind of clarity.

Things get fuzzy, thats the problem. My future is clear, but relationships, work, and personal vices all seem to make it fuzzy. Let the haze fall, settle, and make my embarking as still as the lake with no wind.

As I have always said, not much control in this world......so just let it be. In this case I will just let it be Becky.